BREAKING Tom Brady Signs 55 Year Extension Through 2075

BREAKING: Tom Brady Signs 55 Year Extension Through 2075

FOXBOROUGH —

In record-breaking fashion, Tom Brady agrees to a contract that guarantees a whopping $2.1 billion dollars and includes a signing bonus of a crisp 20 dollar bill and Dunkin Donuts for life. Did we mention Brady will have to play until he is 97-years-old?

Many different impressive titles have been bestowed upon #12 throughout his career as an NFL quarterback including but, not limited to the greatest of all time, or the GOAT. With the clout that comes hand-in-hand with the aforementioned titles, it is no surprise that the 6 time Super Bowl champion 42-year-old just announced he would sign a contract extension to play for the New England Patriots through 2075.

Brady plans to stick with his tried and tested TB12 method. Brady’s fitness coach Alex Guerrero is confident in his star puipi’s ability to remain agile and effective playing one of the wolrd’s roughest sports into his late 90s. Brady and his people released a statement on the new contract just this morning.

“Tom is a fucking stud whose body is made of an element yet to be discovered by the world’s most capable scientists. Tom is Captain America and football is simply where the government has chosen to hide him this whole time until the world needs him most. Tommy is mommy, we love Tommy!”

-Tom Brady’s People

Folks, we break the real news and you are VERY welcome.

-A Well-Mannered Grump

BREAKING Tom Brady Signs 55 Year Extension Through 2075

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